- They all can, - said the Duchess; - and most of 'em do.
- I don't know of any that do, - Alice said very politely, feeling
quite pleased to have got into a conversation.
- You don't know much, - said the Duchess; - and that's a fact. Alice
did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought it would be as
well to introduce some other subject of conversation. While she was trying
to fix on one, the cook took the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at
once set to work throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and
the baby-the fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of saucepans,
plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of them even when they hit
her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it was quite
impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.
- Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing! - cried Alice, jumping up and
down in an agony of terror. - Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS nose; - as an
unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off.
- If everybody minded their own business, - the Duchess said in a
hoarse growl, - the world would go round a deal faster than it does.
- Which would NOT be an advantage, - said Alice, who felt very glad
to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge. - Just
think of what work it would make with the day and night! You see the earth
takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis
- Talking of axes, - said the Duchess, - chop off her head! Alice
glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant to take the
hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to be
listening, so she went on again: - Twenty-four hours, I THINK; or is it
twelve? I
- Oh, don't bother ME, - said the Duchess; - I never could abide
figures! - And with that she began nursing her child again, singing a sort
of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end
of every line:

- Speak roughly to your little boy,
And beat him when he sneezes:
He only does it to annoy,
Because he knows it teases.

CHORUS.

(In which the cook and the baby joined):

- Wow! wow! wow!

While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept tossing
the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing howled so, that
Alice could hardly hear the words:

- I speak severely to my boy,
I beat him when he sneezes;
For he can thoroughly enjoy
The pepper when he pleases!

CHORUS.

- Wow! wow! wow!

- Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like! - the Duchess said to
Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke. - I must go and get ready to
play croquet with the Queen, - and she hurried out of the room. The cook
threw a frying-pan after her as she went out, but it just missed her.
Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer shaped
little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all directions, - just
like a star-fish, - thought Alice. The poor little thing was snorting like
a steam-engine when she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and
straightening itself out again, so that altogether, for the first minute
or two, it was as much as she could do to hold it.
As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, (which was
to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its right
ear and left foot, so as to prevent its undoing itself,) she carried it
out into the open air. - IF I don't take this child away with me, -
thought Alice, - they're sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be
murder to leave it behind? - She said the last words out loud, and the
little thing grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time). -
Don't grunt, - said Alice; - that's not at all a proper way of expressing
yourself.
The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into its face
to see what was the matter with it. There could be no doubt that it had a
VERY turn-up nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; also its eyes
were getting extremely small for a baby: altogether Alice did not like the
look of the thing at all. - But perhaps it was only sobbing, - she
thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there were any tears.
No, there were no tears. - If you're going to turn into a pig, my
dear, - said Alice, seriously, - I'll have nothing more to do with you.
Mind now! - The poor little thing sobbed again (or grunted, it was
impossible to say which), and they went on for some while in silence.
Alice was just beginning to think to herself, - Now, what am I to do
with this creature when I get it home? - when it grunted again, so
violently, that she looked down into its face in some alarm. This time
there could be NO mistake about it: it was neither more nor less than a
pig, and she felt that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it
further.
So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to see
it trot away quietly into the wood. - If it had grown up, - she said to
herself, - it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: but it makes rather
a handsome pig, I think. - And she began thinking over other children she
knew, who might do very well as pigs, and was just saying to herself, - if
one only knew the right way to change them when she was a little startled
by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off.
The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good- natured, she
thought: still it had VERY long claws and a great many teeth, so she felt
that it ought to be treated with respect.
- Cheshire Puss, - she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all
know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little
wider. - Come, it's pleased so far, - thought Alice, and she went on. -
Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
- That depends a good deal on where you want to get to, - said the
Cat.
- I don't much care where - said Alice.
- Then it doesn't matter which way you go, - said the Cat.
- so long as I get SOMEWHERE, - Alice added as an explanation.
- Oh, you're sure to do that, - said the Cat, - if you only walk long
enough.
Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another
question. - What sort of people live about here?
- In THAT direction, - the Cat said, waving its right paw round, -
lives a Hatter: and in THAT direction, - waving the other paw, - lives a
March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.
- But I don't want to go among mad people, - Alice remarked.
- Oh, you can't help that, - said the Cat: - we're all mad here. I'm
mad. You're mad.
- How do you know I'm mad? - said Alice.
- You must be, - said the Cat, - or you wouldn't have come here.
Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on - And how
do you know that you're mad?
- To begin with, - said the Cat, - a dog's not mad. You grant that?
- I suppose so, - said Alice.
- Well, then, - the Cat went on, - you see, a dog growls when it's
angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased,
and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.
- I call it purring, not growling, - said Alice.
- Call it what you like, - said the Cat. - Do you play croquet with
the Queen to-day?
- I should like it very much, - said Alice, - but I haven't been
invited yet.
- You'll see me there, - said the Cat, and vanished. Alice was not
much surprised at this, she was getting so used to queer things happening.
While she was looking at the place where it had been, it suddenly appeared
again.
- By-the-bye, what became of the baby? - said the Cat. - I'd nearly
forgotten to ask.
- It turned into a pig, - Alice quietly said, just as if it had come
back in a natural way.
- I thought it would, - said the Cat, and vanished again. Alice
waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it did not appear,
and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in which the
March Hare was said to live. - I've seen hatters before, she said to
herself; - the March Hare will be much the most interesting, and perhaps
as this is May it won't be raving mad - at least not so mad as it was in
March. - As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again,
sitting on a branch of a tree.
- Did you say pig, or fig? - said the Cat.
- I said pig, - replied Alice; - and I wish you wouldn't keep
appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make on quite giddy.
- All right, - said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly,
beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which
remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
- Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin, - thought Alice; - but
a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever say in my life!
She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house
of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, because the
chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur.
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